does anyone ever come here any more?

If you do come here let me know by leaving a comment. I might just start blogging again. Facebook is easy but in reality it doesnt offer the same longevity of BSpot.

PS- the format will have to change again as i no longer reside in the UK

Jeff

journo's nightmare - pretty funny

this is pretty funny but it does contain some nudity. If you are shy dont press the play button

humour - reposted from previous blog

I posted this a while ago but came across it while reviewing one of my other blogs (stolen by Blogspot - when i lost the email account attached to it) but the humour of the absurdity of some of these real situations made me laugh like before so I think it is worth capturing again:

the following was sent to me by Paul (thanks mate). I am sitting here in tears - i hope you enjoy some of them too. Apparently they are based on US Court Transcripts.

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
________ ____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney.
Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.

____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition
notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK?
What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________

And the best for last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began
the autopsy?
WITNESS: No .
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing
law

Been A While

I know that there are couple of people out there who still come here occasionally so I apologise for wasting you time over the past few months. Life has been busy but that is really no excuse, I have been lazy and also I have focussed my comments elsewhere (facebook).

it is much easier to put updates and to upload photos. I am going to stop using this site but if you want to stay in touch send either sue or me an email/text and I will let you know how to get in touch via facebook.

regards

Jeff

Forrest Gump

this is a classic film and it keeps poppng up when i am in a contemplative mood.

there are some classic lines:

have you found god - i didnt realise i was supposed to be looking for him.

Run Forrest Run

Does this mean i cant play ping pong no more.

I want to try out my sea legs - you dont have legs

I always try to keep my promise.

Stupid is what stupid does (are you stupid or something)

Life is a box of chocolates - you never know what you are going to get

Oh - btw I ate the chocolate (at least tonight)

OH TO BE SO STUPID

Golf - Wentworth

Sue and I went to the PGA last weekend at Wentworth. we had a great day wandering around what is a truly beautiful golf course. Well done to Simon Khan who won. Although we didnt see him play we did manage to watch Ernie Els, Marcel Siem, Lee Westwood and Scott Strange (an Aussie).

some photos:

Ernie Els




















Stenson (and Fanny)




















Sergio

Paris Weekend

Caught the train from downtown Balham to Kings Cross/St Pancras early Saturday. Arrived with plenty of time but spent most of this queuing with thousands of other people heading into Europe for the bank holiday.

Got on the Eurostar found our seats and settled in for the trip to Paris. Easy as pie. Got a light meal on the train and with a one hour time difference arrived at Gare du Nord at 12:45.

First little hiccup (and trap for new players). I had booked some metro passes online when booking the tickets, but you cant pick them up at Gare du Nord so it cost a few extra euro’s and a side trip to Tulleries to pick them up. This was ok in the middle of the day as we had plenty of time but it could be a pain. Lesson – you can buy a metro pass at Gare de Nord.

After picking up the tickets we went back into the Metro and travelled to our hotel, dumped our bags and went out for a walk to familiarise ourselves. Walked for bloody miles up the Rue de Rivoli and along the Seine. Had a meal, picked up some wine, cheese, strawberries and a baguette and went back to the room. By 8.00pm I was asleep (must have been tired).

Sunday was pretty much the same. Had a bit of a sleep in then went and had some breakfast (standing up because its cheaper) in a restaurant near the Bastille. Served by a beautiful French “maid”. After breakfast we decided to go to Versailles. Easy as pie – buy a ticket (eu$11.60 return for two) and get on the train.

Second little hiccup – no pre-purchased entry tickets to Versaille – queue for tickets is about 3 hours long. We stood in it for about 10 minutes before deciding we could do Versailles another day. The place is very grand from the outside so I am sure it will be equally as grand from the inside one day. The little town near the castle is very French so we walked around that for a couple of hours then got back on the train and went back to Paris.

During the afternoon it rained a little on and off, but we just zipped our jackets up and kept walking. Dinner comprised a couple of quiches, a lemon tart and a bottle of red wine. About 5.30 we decided to go watch the sun go down from the Sacre Coeur. It was pouring at times but again we just soldiered on. The sun didn’t go down, but we got some nice pics of the church and around the Montmartre area. When we got home we had a supper - some cheese and baguette and a bottle of vin rouge. We bought some chocolate during the day but didn’t eat it (must have been full). Had another relatively early night for me – 10.30.

Monday we visited Notre Dame – I am not particularly religious but you can’t help being awed by the grandeur and elegance and spiritual feel of these great cathedrals. The structures are awesome and the stained glass windows are simply works of art. Following Notre Dame we wandered into and out of the Latin Quarter. It is still interesting, but quite touristy. We then found our way over to the Champs Elysys and walked up it, before jumping on the metro and ending up in place de italie. Here we had a real meal before heading back to Bastille and then home.

Again dinner consisted of some pastries and a bottle of vin rouge. Sue had a bath to soothe her weary legs and settled down to read her book. Not sure what tomorrow holds but it will probably be just as interesting before we head back to London for a rest.
Tuesday we just wandered around in Paris. We went to La Defense and then walked back to the Arc de Triumphe. La Defense is amazing for the scale and diversity, but clearly planned, architecture. After wandering down this grand avenue we walked through the Tulleries back to the Louvre and then went to Les Halles before finding somewhere for lunch. It is so easy to do.

Got back to the hotel and picked up our bags and went back to Gare du Nord. Final lesson – it doesn’t take long from anywhere to get there and border control is way simpler than an airport.

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